With me forever and ever

Yes, it is through you that i survive each day, manage to just get by, thinking to tell you this or that, sharing with you every little detail, asking for your opinion, or letting you know the mistakes that I make, the lessons I learn, the way i conduct my life, handle my kids, the way you would shower them with all the love, play with them silly, have a hearty laugh over dress-ups, seriously participate in their games, calm their tantrums, narrate beautiful endless stories like you did to us, and then marvel at their queries. I always always instinctively turn to you for everything ranging from studies(back in the days) to relationships, housekeeping to baby food, socializing, travelling, the trials, the exciting, the mundane, the beautiful, the ugly of life, that dream i had last night, the little girl i want to be, the ambition that i hold, or the hobby that i want to pursue, the interesting book that i recently read, the recipe i tried and it turned out to be a disaster(yes! you are smiling at this one)...or just this thought that i want to share with you in the middle of a busy day.....And remind myself oh!
The fierceness with which you are missed , with every ounce of my existence, cannot be put into words.
The more i age, the more i need you.
That faint gentle bedtime smell of cosying up next to you is what soothes my senses on days when i am being the child, the voice of reason which you always were, is my guiding force when upbringing my kids while trying to imbibe your ways of endlessly and patiently answering our queries, the gift of knowledge that you held as the most "sacred virtue" in life is a ritual to me now, making all the more sense, the progressive mind which i would forever be indebted to, the streak of independence which i have inherited from and not just the looks, makes up for the immense pride i have of being a part of you.
The agony aunt to one and all i knew,  as every life you touched is pleased, grateful and smiles fondly to have found you.
Today a decade just slipped away my hands with each day monumental and us - trying to fake your absence from our lives for something which would make us stronger... Though i don't want to be strong.
Every mother is gentle and supreme to their child, but i have always maintained that i adored you more for the human being that you are. Indeed! you "are" for me through the endless conversations in my head that i hold with you, all the dreams where i manage to hug you tight, complain and cry,  the solitude where i turn just in time to see you smiling, the voice that calls my name and resonates somewhere....


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