Tell me why? Tell me how?
He's at it again! My elder one with his ever-observant, inquisitive streak questioning life's intricacies. I wonder how do other parents handle such queries? Anyone reading this with similar experience please be kind enough to share your valuable opinion.
This time it was a bomb of a question thrown at me. After witnessing a couple of family weddings during the past few months, his simple yet intricate query was "why do brides always go to the groom's house? why is it not the other way round? why did i left my home, parents, friends, etc and decided to live with his father in a new town when he could have done the same for me?" This left me dumbstruck for a few moments until i found words in my mouth to put them to form something which sounded like an answer.... (by the way, there was a twinning emotion at the very same moment where the innate social worker in me wanted to do a little jig every time he comes up with something like this as i came to terms with the fact that he has questioned a norm which must be addressed hence he's on the right track)
To few of you reading this, it might appear that's a simple question and why am i blowing it out of proportion and felt the need to go to great lengths to discuss this at all. Well to me , it is not so simple. I believe that the ideas, emotions, values and rules of the game my 6 year old is learning now, sets the tone of his future character and behaviour as a grown-up man. Therefore, as a mother it is my primary duty to assist him in his curious expeditions about life, usher him towards numerous possibilities that exist in the world, lead him towards novel vistas of thinking, debauching the age-old norms at times and provide answers for endless queries to satiate his ever-hungry appetite to know about things.
And when you feel you are on the right track just then there would be that moment leading you onto a guilt trip.
Just the other day he told me that it would be his wife who would do the cooking, not him (yes, he talks big) and i was stunned, silently ruing inside about the kind of example we are putting forth as parents. Though me and husband tried our best explaining it to him that men are great chefs, men do laundry and cook food, yet a child always follows what he observes rather than what he is being told. (By the way i myself am a weekend cook, as i do not like cooking much, but whatever little kids observe they tumble it out always.) Though my husband has successfully put babies to sleep which he of course doesn't remembers now, changed clothes on certain days, can take care of feeding them, and baby-sitting them for half a day, yet it is nowhere close to the grind of what a mother-child go through on a daily basis, forming their love-hate relationship. This however in no way means that a father loves their kids any less, yet the role they play must be that of an equal partner in domestic life, which could be shared only when the society as a whole makes an effort towards it.
Most of the educated females of our generation cannot go back to work since their organizations do not provide for support systems which can take care of their babies. The paternity leaves are so short that there is no opportunity for men to share child-rearing responsibility. There is rarely seen a man in Indian society who leaves his job to settle down in a town where his wife works. A working women is expected to take care of the entire household and family, she may get some assistance in the form of a maid, yet the mental load is huge. Groceries, vaccinations, PTMs, laundry, birthdays, gifts, there is so much on a woman's mind even when she is not working. The day we as mothers, make our sons realize that a household is made up of more than just earning your meals, it calls for regular dusting, wiping bathrooms, picking up your towels, cleaning the table after meals, checking for grocery supplies, doing the laundry, narrating bedtime stories, and so much more, is when we would be able to truly put a women's as well as a man's talent to best use.
"Empathy" is the keyword here, unless we empathize with each other we cannot make the world a better place to live, for our children. Yes, i truly believe that nature has made man and woman to complement each other, the differences which must be celebrated have been tactfully demarcated into niche jobs by the society. Now the onus rests on us to debunk the myth and bring forth an enlightened generation for greater human welfare.
Meanwhile i am jostling with another round of 'what are fighter panes made up of? Do women play cricket? Why don't the ships sink while the submarines go underwater?'
This time it was a bomb of a question thrown at me. After witnessing a couple of family weddings during the past few months, his simple yet intricate query was "why do brides always go to the groom's house? why is it not the other way round? why did i left my home, parents, friends, etc and decided to live with his father in a new town when he could have done the same for me?" This left me dumbstruck for a few moments until i found words in my mouth to put them to form something which sounded like an answer.... (by the way, there was a twinning emotion at the very same moment where the innate social worker in me wanted to do a little jig every time he comes up with something like this as i came to terms with the fact that he has questioned a norm which must be addressed hence he's on the right track)
To few of you reading this, it might appear that's a simple question and why am i blowing it out of proportion and felt the need to go to great lengths to discuss this at all. Well to me , it is not so simple. I believe that the ideas, emotions, values and rules of the game my 6 year old is learning now, sets the tone of his future character and behaviour as a grown-up man. Therefore, as a mother it is my primary duty to assist him in his curious expeditions about life, usher him towards numerous possibilities that exist in the world, lead him towards novel vistas of thinking, debauching the age-old norms at times and provide answers for endless queries to satiate his ever-hungry appetite to know about things.
And when you feel you are on the right track just then there would be that moment leading you onto a guilt trip.
Just the other day he told me that it would be his wife who would do the cooking, not him (yes, he talks big) and i was stunned, silently ruing inside about the kind of example we are putting forth as parents. Though me and husband tried our best explaining it to him that men are great chefs, men do laundry and cook food, yet a child always follows what he observes rather than what he is being told. (By the way i myself am a weekend cook, as i do not like cooking much, but whatever little kids observe they tumble it out always.) Though my husband has successfully put babies to sleep which he of course doesn't remembers now, changed clothes on certain days, can take care of feeding them, and baby-sitting them for half a day, yet it is nowhere close to the grind of what a mother-child go through on a daily basis, forming their love-hate relationship. This however in no way means that a father loves their kids any less, yet the role they play must be that of an equal partner in domestic life, which could be shared only when the society as a whole makes an effort towards it.
Most of the educated females of our generation cannot go back to work since their organizations do not provide for support systems which can take care of their babies. The paternity leaves are so short that there is no opportunity for men to share child-rearing responsibility. There is rarely seen a man in Indian society who leaves his job to settle down in a town where his wife works. A working women is expected to take care of the entire household and family, she may get some assistance in the form of a maid, yet the mental load is huge. Groceries, vaccinations, PTMs, laundry, birthdays, gifts, there is so much on a woman's mind even when she is not working. The day we as mothers, make our sons realize that a household is made up of more than just earning your meals, it calls for regular dusting, wiping bathrooms, picking up your towels, cleaning the table after meals, checking for grocery supplies, doing the laundry, narrating bedtime stories, and so much more, is when we would be able to truly put a women's as well as a man's talent to best use.
"Empathy" is the keyword here, unless we empathize with each other we cannot make the world a better place to live, for our children. Yes, i truly believe that nature has made man and woman to complement each other, the differences which must be celebrated have been tactfully demarcated into niche jobs by the society. Now the onus rests on us to debunk the myth and bring forth an enlightened generation for greater human welfare.
Meanwhile i am jostling with another round of 'what are fighter panes made up of? Do women play cricket? Why don't the ships sink while the submarines go underwater?'
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